Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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