I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just invented taco cereal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize