my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
