went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
