now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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