if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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