Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
