Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
