OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
