Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
