that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
