how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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