You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
