Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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