You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
