I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
