porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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