Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
