Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
