Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
