Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
don't judge my taste in strippers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
