Soap is not a condiment
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
