i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
