Plan B is the new Plan A
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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