Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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