I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
