I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He has the fingertips of a God
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