He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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