i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
