someone threw a dead crab at me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How's work?
Spinning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
