Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
