don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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