in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
