well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
