I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize