I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
