Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
