Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
