Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
