your parents love me but you hate me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everything about him screamed your future.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
