I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Someone signed my nipple.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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