My friends, they love my intelligence
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
