does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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