a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
