at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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