That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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