Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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