We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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