you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
