If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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