soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
