You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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