i need an iv and a liver transplant
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
