does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you never un-have a 4some
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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