I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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