my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
