I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
