Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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