I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
