Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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