I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
