i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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