apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
