I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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