apparently the secret to your success is patron
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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