I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
