he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
