i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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