just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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