Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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