Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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