I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
