We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
