If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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