I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
