Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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