Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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