so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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