I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
