Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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