I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
