my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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