tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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