Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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